I realized that I am better at expressing myself through writing than speaking so every so often, I will probably post a Dear Reader and talk about recent things happening in my life or something I want to get off my chest.
So I am pretty sure that everyone at the moment do not know that I play the piano (or do they? I do not remember if I mentioned anything about that) and I am currently working on my level 8 RCM exam. For those who do not know, RCM is an internationally recognized for those who want to be a performer or a teacher. Almost everyone who teaches music professionally have taken RCM or I may be wrong, but everyone that I know have taken RCM.
Anyways, I have an exam in January but the thing is I am not ready for the exam. Right now before I go further, I am not blaming everything on one person but I just need to get it off my chest. So while I was taking lessons, my piano teacher keeps pushing me to take the exam after working on level 8 for about a year and she was like, “Usually it takes about a year to get ready for level 8 exam” and I had explained to her why I only practice about an hour a day. My reason for that is because after school, my parents have to work so I have to wait for them for about 2 hours before they can pick me up. By the time I get home, it is about 6 pm or 7 pm.
By the way, I am learning piano just for fun like I have considered majoring in music when I get to post-secondary but I want to study psychology or social work more.
So now I am home and because it’s a family thing like a habit, whenever my family gets home, we would always shower first so by the time I finish showering it is about 7 pm to 8 pm. Now add in the fact that I live in a condo, so I have to be mindful of our neighbors and I know some of my friends sleep at 9 pm and because of that I don’t play after 9 pm. With the time left, I usually have about an hour to an hour and half. Guess how long my teacher wants me to practice?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Even if I do not come home so late like say I get home at 4 pm plus 30 minutes to shower, I still need to do homework. The thing about me is when I get too tired, I cannot concentrate even if I do not feel tired the next day. I can feel energized and everything but my brain cannot think properly. Physical activity like playing sports I am fine, in fact it keeps me awake but academically I cannot and thank god I found that out in grade 10. Ok, I am getting sidetracked but in grade 10, I do not remember how long but I binged on an anime through two units in math and when I had a test, I literally fell asleep for a few seconds or I was so tired that my brain could not even think. Basically my test marks dropped about 15% (but not my average, thank goodness).
If there are kids reading this, do not do what I did. SLEEP IS IMPORTANT!
So getting back on track, after telling her I have all that and plus sports team later on during second semester, she was like, “You need to practice for at least three hours” or “It’s horrible“. And that was last school year. This year, I have co-op so that means I get home even later because my placement is far from home and my parents workplace. My parents do not allow me to use public transit to go home so I have to wait for them to pick me up.
Still after telling her all that, she was still set on having me do the exam because “usually” people take a year on level 8. When I practice, even I would fail myself much less the examiner. So now I do not know what to do because my mom already paid for the exam and it is like about $200. I know I should have told my teacher that I was not ready but she was just pushing so hard and I am not good with speaking with people so I never really told her. At some point, she was just saying how horrible I am at playing the pieces and I would always be in tears when I get home in bed. It was just horrible because I really like piano and the reason I first started taking classes was because I want to be at the level where I can learn pieces I like by myself but it is just so hard to like going to the lessons with the teacher. I do not know if I should go to the exam knowing I will fail or just not go to the exam because I know I would feel even worst seeing a failing mark.
I am not trying to brag but to understand how I am feeling you need to know that I always try my best so I always try to get at least a 90% in everything unless I know I have tried my best if I get lower than an 80% I just feel terrible because it is been drilled into my brain by my parents and myself that I have to get high marks. Somethings I am really bad at like French I do not expect high marks because I am just not good at it, especially writing, but I still try really hard. But with the teacher not even trying to encourage me or give positive feedbacks, it is really hard to try my best. I know I need to work on my self-motivation but that is the reality right now.
On the bright side, everything that I am doing besides piano lessons is really enjoyable. I cannot until badminton season starts in school. I also workout at least once a week so it is helping with the stress. Thought I honestly do not know what to do right now. So with that cheerful first Dear Reader post, bye bye (note the sarcasm).